To have empathy means to identify with or vicariously experience the thoughts, feelings and attitudes of another. It’s sometimes confused with sympathy, which is more of a feeling of compassion, particularly towards someone in sorrow or trouble. In a sense you need some degree of empathy in order to feel the compassion or sympathy.
Recognizing and responding to emotions is what makes us human. It makes us a little bit easier to live with, and maybe even makes it possible to create a society and live in a community.
Some people take this natural empathy and kick it up a notch. They are acutely aware of the emotions around them, oftentimes without really realizing that is what is happening. They may experience these emotions and believe they are their own, or feel responsible for them. These people are known as empaths; sometimes referred to as psychic empaths or intuitive empaths.
Dr. Judith Orloff, UCLA psychiatric clinical faculty, wrote an article on her site that I found compelling and kind of brought me back to the roots of my own life as an empath. Her article, How to Know if You’re an Empath helps empaths recognize their own traits and gives some great suggestions for dealing with the effects.
Here is an excerpt; the quiz that she shares on determining if you are an emotional empath:
QUIZ: AM I AN EMPATH?
Ask yourself:
- Have I been labeled as “too emotional” or overly sensitive?
- If a friend is distraught, do I start feeling it too?
- Are my feelings easily hurt?
- Am I emotionally drained by crowds, require time alone to revive?
- Do my nerves get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talk?
- Do I prefer taking my own car places so that I can leave when I please?
- Do I overeat to cope with emotional stress?
- Am I afraid of becoming engulfed by intimate relationships?
If you answer “yes” to 1-3 of these questions, you’re at least part empath. Responding “yes” to more than 3 indicates that you’ve found your emotional type.
Recognizing that you’re an empath is the first step in taking charge of your emotions instead of constantly drowning in them. Staying on top of empathy will improve your self-care and relationships.
Dr. Judith Orloff, “How to Know If You’re an Empath”
I admit that even with years of practice most of the things on that list still get to me now and then, especially with the stress of the pandemic and all that has happened around it. Looking back, I know that I grew up an empath, at least I can definitely see it in my teenage years. When you’re already dealing with hormones, finding your sense of identity, and struggling with self-esteem, it can be a real… sh*t show. I wish I knew then what I know now, and even now, I occasionally need a reminder.
Mostly, I remember it as feeling very strongly when someone was sad or angry. My brain translated that into “Well, now you’re responsible for that feeling.” It varied between whether I would feel like I caused the emotion, or I was somehow responsible for resolving the emotion. It can be overwhelming, even painful, not understanding where it’s coming from or how to manage it.
Elise Lebeau used to have a blog that chronicled her experiences growing up an empath. She went into all kinds of technical details about the physiology of thought and how we send and receive information. She has since turned the blog into a podcast, but I’m going to keep this old summary I had from her blog. I love how it explains how empathy works:
Let’s take an example to make this more concrete: When someone is angry, there’s all kind of electrical and chemical reactions happening in their body (sweating, getting flustered, faster heart beat). All these changes trigger mild electrical currents that create a magnetic field around their physical body.
As an Empath, you are able to scan this magnetic information to “read” their state of mind: this person is angry. Although the pattern changes from one person to the next, Empaths are able to interpret it and translate it…
Although we are all born Empaths, most of us learn to ignore the information we pick up from other people through their magnetic field. And there’s a very good reason for that…imagine for a moment: every thought, every emotion, from every one on earth is currently generating magnetic information.
As an Empath, you can pick up on all of this! The sheer volume of information is staggering.
Experiencing this unchecked for long periods of time, even years, is not without its side effects. It can be the source of unexplained fatigue, mood swings, depression. If you are unaware you are picking up everyone else’s negative emotional baggage, it can build up to the point of causing physical symptoms, from blockages in the flow of energy in your body to physical pain and disease. The combination of all of it takes a physical toll. Dr. Orloff writes:
The trademark of empaths is that they know where you’re coming from. Some can do this without taking on people’s feelings. However, for better or worse, others, like myself and many of my patients, can become angst-sucking sponges. This often overrides the sublime capacity to absorb positive emotions and all that is beautiful. If empaths are around peace and love, their bodies assimilate these and flourish…
Negativity, though, often feels assaultive, exhausting…
As a subconscious defense, they may gain weight as a buffer… (hmm really??)
When empaths absorb the impact of stressful emotions, it can trigger panic attacks, depression, food, sex and drug binges, and a plethora of physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis from fatigue to agoraphobia.
The good news is, empaths don’t have to walk around in a cloud of everyone else’s emotions every day of their lives. Like any gift, it can be controlled. Empaths can learn to recognize what they are feeling is not their own and learn to protect themselves.
If you think that you fit this description, you can learn how to control and work with your empathic abilities. If you can find a spiritual teacher, that is a good place to start. Finding someone who can help you clear and balance your energy and learn to shield yourself will make a world of difference in how you feel.
Dr. Orloff’s site has some great blog posts as well as a support community, books, and other resources. Lisa Campion is a psychic, spiritual counselor and energy healer whose site has all kinds of resources for empaths and other sensitive people.
Learning to recognize and work with empathic abilities means you don’t have to feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Suddenly that inexplicable feeling of sadness actually has an explanation, and a resolution. If you are looking for someone to talk to about empathy, trust your intuition, for several reasons. As always, the internet is just as full of useless or even harmful information as it is beneficial.
It is important to understand that while there are many wonderful light workers out there, there are also well meaning people who do not really understand what they are doing. There are also, unfortunately, unscrupulous people who are not keeping your best interest at heart. Lastly, it is possible for some of the symptoms associated with being an empath to be related to other mental health concerns. If your thoughts and feelings are concerning or frightening you, please seek professional assistance.
If you would like to talk with me about being empathic, please feel free to contact me. I’m happy to commiserate, discuss techniques for working with it, or help you find a spiritual teacher near you.
~SE
theskepticalempath.com 
